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Test Your Relationship IQ

How do I know if I'm in an abusive relationship?

answer YES or NO: 

  • Has your boyfriend/girlfriend ever hit, kicked, shoved, scratched or thrown things at you when he/she is angry?
  • Has your girlfriend/boyfriend ever embarrassed you or treated you badly in front of others?
  • Does your boyfriend/girlfriend make you feel guilty for spending time with friends or family?
  • Does your girlfriend/boyfriend make you feel afraid to say what you really think, express what you really want, or make your own choices?

    ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE SIGNS OF ABUSE. If you answered "YES" to any of the above, consider talking with a trusted adult (such as a school counselor), family member or supportive friend. Vera House has trained professionals available 24 hours a day you can talk to. They will listen and help you to make a safety plan and explore your options. You can reach the Vera House Hotline at 315-468-3260 or call the 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.

REMEMBER - SEXUAL ASSAULT IS NEVER THE VICTIM'S FAULT!


Rate your friendship

answer TRUE or FALSE:

My friend . . .

  • treats me as an equal
  • respects my family and friends
  • will talk about disagreements we have without yelling or getting mad
  • really listens to me
  • values my opinions and ideas
  • makes me feel comfortable
  • considers my feelings but always gives honest opinions
  • would support me even if it might be embarrassing
  • is glad that sometimes I do things with other friends
  • is happy, not jealous, when something good happens to me

If you answered "FALSE" to any of the above, you might want to reevaluate your friendship. Is this person really a true friend? Think about setting some boundaries around the friendship, such as. . .

  • clearly communicating your wants, needs and fears
  • not allowing someone to take advantage of you
  • trusting your ability to make decisions for yourself
  • naming your feelings
  • possibly ending the friendship if your boundaries are not respected

Consider talking with a trusted adult (such as a school counselor), family member or supportive friend for further suggestions.

REMEMBER - SEXUAL ASSAULT IS NEVER THE VICTIM'S FAULT!


Is it sexual harassment?

answer YES or NO:

Has anyone . . .

  • Made you feel uncomfortable by making sexual comments or jokes?
  • Made you feel uncomfortable by using sexual gestures or looks?
  • Touched, grabbed or pinched you in a sexual way?
  • Touched you in a way that is unwanted?
  • Repeatedly asked you out even though you have already said no?
  • Spread sexual rumors or gossip about you?
  • Written sexual messages or graffiti about you?
  • Used words about your sexuality in a hurtful of abusive way (calling you "gay", "fag" or "sissy", for example)?

    All of the above are sexual harassment. If you answered "YES" to any of these questions, consider talking with a trusted adult (such as a school counselor), family member or supportive friend. Vera House has trained professionals available 24 hours a day you can talk to. They will listen and help you to make a safety plan and explore your options. You can reach the Vera House Hotline at 315-468-3260.

REMEMBER - SEXUAL ASSAULT IS NEVER THE VICTIM'S FAULT!


Sexual Assault IQ

TRUE or FALSE...?

In social situations, staying in groups and looking out for your friends can help reduce your risk of a sexual assault.
TRUE: Staying with a group of friends makes you less vulnerable to sexual assault, but this is not foolproof. It is estimated that 80% of sexual assault victims know their attacker, who is often a friend, relative or acquaintance. 

Never be alone with someone you don't know or trust.
TRUE: Trust your instincts. If there is someone who makes you uncomfortable, do not be alone with them.

You should always let someone you trust know where you are going, who you are going out with and when you plan to return.
TRUE: Make sure someone you trust knows where you are or if your plans change.

Leaving a drink unattended won't make you vulnerable to potential rapists.
FALSE: Leaving your drink unattended or accepting drinks from anyone can make you more vulnerable to sexual assault. Date rape drugs are often colorless and tasteless, making them hard to detect.

Showering, changing your clothes or brushing your teeth after a sexual assault will not have any effect on evidence.
FALSE: Showering, changing your clothes and brushing your teeth can destroy any evidence that was left from the attack.

If you are sexually assaulted, one of the best things to do is go to a hospital and seek treatment.
TRUE: The hospital is a safe place where qualified staff can help to explain your options after a sexual assault. You may be injured or at risk of becoming pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted disease, so treatment is important. Going to the hospital does NOT mean you will have to make a police report.

Communicating your limits firmly and clearly can help reduce your risk of sexual assault.
FALSE: Even if you communicate your limits firmly and clearly, some people may not respect them, so this does not guarantee that you will not be sexually assaulted. When communicating sexual boundaries, try to use consistent body language and words.

If a friend has been sexually assaulted you should force them to go to the police.
FALSE: You can encourage them to report the incident, but never force them. You can also encourage them to go to the hospital or call a hotline.

REMEMBER - SEXUAL ASSAULT IS NEVER THE VICTIM'S FAULT!

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