 
Being the friend or family
member of a battered person is never easy.
Seeing someone you care about hurt and mistreated
takes a toll on you.
Staying connected with the victim despite your view
that she or he "should just leave" takes an even
greater toll.
Yet staying connected, as frustrating as it may be at
times,
can play an important role in the victim's eventual
decision to make a change in the situation.
Helping your friend or loved one begins by letting them
know . . .
. . . which can begin to bridge the
isolation and open other possibilities.
To break out of the cycle of
abuse, victims need to have supports they can to turn
to. If a friend or family member does turn to you, the
following suggestions may be helpful:
-
Let the victim talk.
Just having someone who will
listen
will help her or him take stock of the situation.
-
Let the victim know
how important his or her safety
is to you, and work together to develop a safety plan.
Recognize that the victim's safety might be more of a
priority to you than
it is to the victim. Try not to push too hard. Go at
your friend's pace.
-
Respect the victim's
right to make decisions. Try
not
to take over responsibility for your friend's life.
Your friend is the one
who will live with the consequences of decisions she
or he makes and
is the one who must take responsibility for them. Let
him/her know
that you understand how difficult it is for her/him to
make the necessary changes.
-
Let the victim know
that he or she is not alone.
Share information about available
resources in the community.
Offer to go with your friend the first time to pursue
any of the resources.
-
Stress that the
violence is not the victim's fault
and that she or he does not deserve to be abused.
No matter what your friend has said or
done, the person who becomes
violent is the one responsible for the violence.
____________________________________________________
For more information
about available community resources
for your friend or loved one, please visit these pages:
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